relationships

How To Argue With a Woman in a Way That She'll Love

How To Argue With a Woman in a Way That She'll Love

Man in current civilization has few hazards to deal with. Most of us are safe from predators (if you’re not, you’re reading the wrong how-to article), we don’t have to worry about the plague, and we can buy a grass-fed steak from Whole Foods without having to sharpen a spear and trek out into the savannah. One danger that has stood the test of time is females of our species. Particularly when it comes to fighting. Most men do not know how to argue properly.

As many probably do, I grew up believing that conflict of any kind was evil. If a man and a woman are arguing, their relationship must be dysfunctional. The reality is, while fighting isn’t necessarily a good thing, it is a mark of some level of intimacy. You don’t get into yelling matches with the barista at Starbucks (if you do, again, you’re reading the wrong how-to), you fight with people you’re close with. A fight itself is intimate. Both parties are taking off their polite masks to let their true emotions pour out.  Conflict can be a catalyst for intimacy.

Relationship arguments are the hottest because there is the most potential there. Fighting with a woman you care about doesn’t have to be a hazard. It’s actually an opportunity for deeper intimacy (and really hot make-up sex.) Follow these guidelines next time you argue with your woman and have her love you for it.

 

First, remember that its a game

An argument is a game in the most basic sense. Two players, you and her, act to affect and be at the effect of the other. Actually the argument is a small game within a much larger game that is your relationship, in whatever capacity. Even larger is the game you play with women as a whole, which only a certain caliber of man knows how to play.

To “play” doesn’t necessarily mean to take it lightly, it means to respond to every moment and let it take its course as opposed to treating it as “work.” Instead of trying to make something happen,  just try to keep the ball in the air. You might even find arguing to be fun.

Listen to Her Emotions Before Her Words

Many guys in an argument get caught in the trap of pointing out holes in her logic. Relationship arguments are emotional, not logical. Trying to prove her wrong factually is the wrong game. Even if you win, you lose.

Your argument is probably of some nonsense anyway. It’s quite rare that an argument between lovers is over something that actually matters. Beneath the story and circumstance you’ll see all arguments are some sort of emotional request.

For instance, once a woman told me something to the effect of “You’re not man enough to handle me.” I had the immediately impulse to say something...

5 Reasons We Ought to Tell People Off When We're Angry (ElephantJournal)

5 Reasons We Ought to Tell People Off When We're Angry (ElephantJournal)

We live in a gloves-on society.

We can sue someone for spilling coffee, call the cops when our neighbor plays music too loudly, but Bob forbid we tell a coworker “I find you annoying.”

From our earliest days in school, an implicit fear of conflict is embedded in us under the guise of “niceness” with phrases like “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” That ingrained fear of conflict stays with most of us long after we’ve graduated from safety scissors to create the default preference to say nothing rather than risk someone an emotional boo-boo.

The truth is, it’s not even the nice thing to do.

Withholding irritations have serious negative consequences for us, the other person, and dare I say it, our entire society. When I work with clients to improve their relationships and sex lives, we often must start with identifying truths the client hasn’t expressed. Not expressing our “negative” emotions has a huge impact on our relationships and ability to feel.

Here are some of the reasons we ought to let it out.