On The Subject of Buttholes

On The Subject of Buttholes

Over the past few weeks I've become quite acquainted with my inner asshole. I don't mean the part of my psyche that's a jerk, I mean my literal, physical, anatomical asshole. I've been observing how the state of my rear affects my communication, sex, mood, and life. Let's start with the basics:

Tightening your ass is a method of numbing sensation

We use phrases like "you feel kind of tight," and "my boss is so anal" because we all inherently understand this psycho-somatic relationship.

I realized this week that I tighten throughout the day way more than I previously thought. Here are a few:

  • Emotional dismay: irritation, annoyance, judgment, jealousy.

  • Intellectualizing: trying to figure out problems or organize convoluted information.

  • Physically Exertion: awkward yoga poses, high rep exercise.

  • Sex: pulling for climax, whenever sensation gets really high.

Basically my butt involuntarily tightens anytime I'm out of agreement with my situation. Just like clamping down


3 Non-Sexual Things That Affect a Man's Sex Life (SW)

3 Non-Sexual Things That Affect a Man's Sex Life (SW)

Men come to work with me when they want to have a better sex life. Sometimes they have some sort of sexual problem they want fixed. Sometimes they just want to experience sexual mastery. Often new clients are surprised that we end up not talking about sex much at all.

Sex is a microcosm for how we interact with the world. A guy can tell me about his sex life and I can infer everything I need to know about him as a whole. All of a person’s insecurities, mental conditioning, and deepest desires show up in the bedroom. I’m passionate about coaching people to have better sex lives because that in turn makes the entire emotional side of their lives better.

As above so below. The opposite is also true. There are certain things in your non-sexual life that have a huge impact on what you experience in bed. Here are 3...


The Greatest Sex Technique That Can Only Be Used Once

The Greatest Sex Technique That Can Only Be Used Once

(repost from 2013)

His eyes squint to sharpen his focus on the conversation. "So what is good sex to you then?" he says.

"It's where both partners are in such a state of connection that any and every contact floods your whole body with electricity" I say. "Even her hand on you knee with clothes on can send you into involuntary trembling."

"Um, ok. So how do I do that?" he asks.

"I mean, there's nothing I can just tell you to do. You have to be able to feel."

"But c'mon. Everyone's got moves. Every woman I've slept with had her moves. Like 'Oh, she's doing that tongue thing again...' "

"Yes and a person develops 'a move' when they spontaneously do something that gets a great response. Then they try to replicate the response by replicating the move whether or not it actually works. When you sensitize yourself you learn to feel the resonant action in every moment, so it's like you're creating new 'move' in every moment."

Let's talk about sex. But first, on "How to Make a Wine Glass Sing"...